I want to talk about the bicycle of change.

So some of you, if you work in health or behaviour change will have heard of the cycle of change.

Pre contemplation.

Contemplation.

Preparation.

Action.

Maintenance.

Relapse. (just checking you saw that in there).

Yes relapse is part of the process. You can call it whatever you want.

This isnt just restricted to drugs and alcohol either.

Think about healthy eating, exercise, drinking water etc.

Now when people describe this, its not actually a fair representation of what happens, as its a cycle, makes it sound like a circle, people might feel like they are going round and round.

But you are not.

This is why we will refer to it as the bicycle of change.

Because yes, we are human, yes we are learning machines, yes we learn by making mis-takes. But we keep moving forward.

We learn from our alcohol free days, our days when we dont drink very much, our reductions, as well as our moments when we have a blip.

And we move forward, might not feel...

Blip, slip, relapse; I don’t mind what you call it.  Please don’t use language that makes you feel like shit.

It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is: alcohol, cocaine, crappy food (although not a drug, people do use it in a similar way). When life changes, even subtly, its super easy to find ourselves reaching for our old favourite to cope, to comfort us, to escape, to fill time, because well, whats the point?

I am going to talk about lockdown in England specifically, although I am sure the psychology of it is similar in other countries.

For most of us, in some way (to different degrees), the rug has been pulled out from under us.

Now this isn’t about moaning or being entitled, this is a fact.

It doesn’t have to be a massive problem, most of us know that what we are experiencing are first world problems and we know that we are lucky.

That’s not the point.

I haven't relapsed, but I understand how it can happen. The...

We need to talk about this, because people get really upset.

It’s one of those things that people don’t want to talk about.  I get it, no one wants to say they messed up.  People feel like they are a failure.  There are so many negative words and feelings attached to this.

People call these events relapses, slips, going backwards etc. Lots of horrible, negative words that make us feel bad. 

Here’s the thing, we are not perfect and life isn’t perfect.

Very few people actually give up something and then never do it again.  Even people who are incredible healthy, healthy eaters and fitness lovers etc. eat ice cream from time to time, or have a take away.

Abstinence, for some people is the only way but for most people it won’t be.

When you first stop drinking, or whatever your poison is.  Maybe you will have set a goal.

You could be planning to stop for 1 week, 1 month, 3 months, a year or even alcohol free for life. ...

Living in the moment; what does that really mean? And why is it a good thing.

People keep talking about it. But do you really know what it is and how to do it?

I love it when I talk to people about this and they just look at me confused.

Why? Why do I ask people to do this, or at least try it?

People come to me mostly because they are having problems with their drug or alcohol use.  Then it’s the life stuff that comes next.

How do you live when you aren’t drinking or partying?

What do people do? How do they cope when things don’t work out?

The answers to this are too big for a blog or even a book.  But maybe this will give you an idea of how to live in the moment, how to do it and what the benefits can be for you.

I got a text from a friend this morning.  He is in the middle of a big life change and is finding things really overwhelming, feeling very emotional with lots of feelings of guilt and shame.

There is so much going on, change,...