On confidence

Stephanie has invited me to do a piece about confidence. Am I confident enough I wonder? Go on then!

Confidence, I have recently learned, comes from one’s self esteem and feeling of self-worth. This is developed in (about) the 4^th year of life when we experience how significant we are to our parents, or care givers. To be dear to someone, to have closeness and connection. Eventually, through adolescence and then when we become adults, we learn that we can create this very connection with ourselves, and become self-aware, to believe in ourselves, to support ourselves, stand on our own two feet.

Of course, we all know the notion of “having one’s confidence knocked”. That is when we momentarily doubt our self-worth. Mostly because of a situation or circumstance where we, erroneously, compare ourselves to others. We forget our own significance within.

The good news is that confidence (self-esteem, self-worth) can be learned and can be expanded...

How I began to hate Fridays and what I did to learn to love them again.

Friday!  Best day of the week!   What if Friday became your nemesis?  What if the weekend became nothing but a test of your resolve; a mirror reflecting the worst of you?

In my twenties I worked in the city.  Most Friday’s we’d have a boozy lunch and hit the bars around 4pm!  I’d wake Saturday mornings anxiety ridden! Where did we go after 6pm?  Did I eat? How the hell did I get home?  Yet, Saturday and Sunday I’d be drinking again with friends.  Back on the merry-go-round I couldn’t jump off.  Everyone was having fun, right? 

Monday mornings we’d recount Friday night’s antics.  Only I was acting!  I had no clue how the night ended.  I had no memory of falling down. How did they remember?  Surely, they’d drank as much as I did?  Sound familiar?  Friday to Sunday spent pinballing...

I had one of those classic moments in my life where everything goes wrong and you find yourself exactly where you don’t want to be. 

Even though it was the worst day of my life it also turned out to be one of the best; although I didn’t know it at the time. 

Alcohol was a huge factor in what was going wrong for me.  Well I am not saying it was alcohol’s fault, obviously it was 100% my responsibility, however when I stopped drinking it made a huge difference to my life.

A lot of people drink, a lot of people drink too much, and mostly people don’t seem to think this is an issue.  However, I want to put it to you a different way. Try this: take a break from alcohol, 30 days or maybe 90 days.  It doesn’t have to be a huge amount of time, then see what the difference is and what the benefits of not drinking alcohol are.  I guarantee you, your life will improve. 

The benefits of giving up alcohol

On a simple, logical level,...

 Yes, it’s a bit of a thing at the moment. This stopping drinking, taking a break lark.  Which I have to say I love.  I am not jumping on the bandwagon, I have been on it for years.  But I am super excited that it's starting to become a thing.

I am not a kill joy, or evangelical at all, I just want everyone to take a break and see how they feel, like an experiment.  If you want to go back to drinking after say, a 3 month's break you crack on. I just want you to know, to experience it.

In a world where we are talking about mental health, self-esteem, anxiety and depression, it’s a no brainer. Alcohol is going to make all these things worse.  I am not making it up, it’s a fact, alcohol is a drug, the side effects of which are anxiety and depression.  If emotions, how you feel about yourself, self-esteem, anxiety, depression, anything like that is an issue for you, seriously please take a break from drinking.  You will feel...

I have been drinking since the age of 18. I am now 60.  In all that time I have brought up 3 children on my own, cared for elderly parents until they died, lost a younger brother in a plane accident and now become a granny!

Throughout all that time I have never taken care of myself as other people needed me. Having stopped drinking for 3 months now, I know it’s early days, I have really learned “The value of me”.

Suddenly, what I want, counts and learning to nourish myself in different ways has been a revelation! I have found that people like me now, just as much as they did before.  I am still witty and funny (even more so with a clear head) and that came as quite a shock.

Suddenly I don’t have to pretend that I’m this crazy extrovert just to be accepted. I am loved for me and that has enabled me to love myself.
I want this for everyone now! Each of us has a nugget of gold within us no matter how much at times we despise ourselves. ...

I have had the privileged of working with many people.  Supporting, teaching and guiding them to ditch the booze. If you are asking yourself "should I stop drinking?" thinking about the effects of alcohol and the advantages and disadvantages of drinking is a good place to start.

This is a blog written by one of my clients who I helped to stop drinking. 

Have a read and see what you think and maybe think about what your list would look like?

Advantages of drinking: (for me)
Relaxing.
Pleasurable, I enjoy the taste.
World seems nicer, blurry, softer.
Fit in with other people doing the same.
Makes me sociable, more friendly.
Able to watch rubbish TV.
Partner looks more attractive.
Care less what others think.
Problems seem smaller.

Disadvantages of drinking, and the effects of alcohol:
Hangover.
Not present, blurred memories of happy occasions.
Lack of respect from others.
Loss of reputation.
Figure to poke fun at.
Lack of self respect.
Shame and Guilt.
Weight gain,...

I have been a heavy drinker / binge drinker since I was 16.

At about the age of 17 my mental health started to deteriorate.  I experienced mood swings, paranoia and depression. I began to hate myself, my self-esteem and confidence became very fragile.  By the time I was in my final year at Uni stress and anxiety had firmly set in.  High drama often followed me around, all after a long night of drinking.  I was drinking at least 4 to 5 times a week and I wouldn’t take it easy. The morning after I would be overcome with crippling anxiety.

Just after graduation, I attempted suicide by overdosing on paracetamol.

After a year at home I had managed to get my act together again after counselling and anti-depressants – I still drank but to nowhere near the extent I had been doing, little did I understand the correlation. 

After leaving home again to work in London I spent quite a few years perfecting the skills of a “party girl” on the London...

I’ve had a problem with alcohol for as long as I can remember. My first drink was a sip of the froth from the top of my dad’s Colt 45, aged 6. My parents always drank at home, daily, wine with dinner, liqueur coffees, it was the norm.

My parents were devout yet hypocritical Jehovahs Witnesses, I was brought up with very strict rules like I couldn’t socialise with anyone outside of the religion.  We didn’t celebrate Christmas, birthdays, valentines, easter, bonfire night, nothing, zilch, zero. My mum was very ill and I was her carer from a very young age. My dad was a violent man, I was abused in many ways.

Unsurprisingly living in this sort of environment I developed eating disorders as my weight was the only thing I felt able to have any control over. The drinking picked up pace from about age fifteen, mainly to make me feel brave or to make me forget.

I met my knight in shining armour at sixteen through work, I fell deeply in love and doted on him,...

Top tips from others on how to live a happy healthy life, free from bad habits and addictions.

Most of my learning comes from working with and listening to thousands of people.  Yes, I have read the research and the books and taken part in a lot of training.  But nothing really compares to working with and listening to people that have done it.

People who have stopped and reduced: their drinking, their partying or their drug use and have changed their lives.  It doesn’t have to be people that have come back from the dead.  Everyone I have worked with has a story.  These are people from all walks of life: rich, poor, old, young. Getting into trouble with booze, drugs, food or gambling doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care if you work, whether you have money or where you come from.  It can effect anyone and everyone.

Here is a collection of some of my favourite little pieces of wisdom from those that have been there and are still doing...